kate jackson hanky-panky

In which Citizen Jim arrives full of advice and wisdom about the “Coriander Flu,” and tries to use his power to stop a celebrity booty call. It was the Friday before the weekend that I was scheduled to work, and I was supposed to be off. But I had to make an appearance on the … Read more

the bad luck of a sunday morning

Chrissy woke me up by standing in the kitchen and yelling at me until I finally got out of bed to feed her. I had a headache of such magnitude that I was kicking myself for not getting my Last Will and Testament notarized like I’d been promising my sister for months. I couldn’t tell … Read more

Foxy & Phoebe & Taylor & Kate

In which Citizen Jim arrives for a little blood-letting, and can’t believe he has to tell a bed-ridden Chicken Sheets who’s hosting SNL… Citizen Jim sat on the edge of my bed staring holes through me. He was mad as hell! “You mean I came all the way from Birmingham with a jar full of … Read more

Kate Winslet vs. Hemorrhoid Cream

In which Citizen Jim arrives and points out to Chicken Sheets how selfish she is when she won’t use her power to get “supplies” for him. On Monday morning I desperately needed to speak to someone at the Public Library, but I couldn’t call until they opened at 9 am. While I was waiting to … Read more

Hurricane Winston

In which Citizen Jim arrives in need of a macabre (read: funeral-based) favor, while Chicken Sheets is just trying to hold everything together until her electricity comes back on. By Saturday morning, the electricity lost to the 105 mph winds of Hurricane Sally still hadn’t been restored. It was estimated that power crews might have things … Read more